Younger Years
by AngelofElements
Summary: Illumi is nine when his mother announces she is pregnant. He's ten when the baby is born and named Killua. By the time he's twelve, he's taking care of his little brother fulltime. And then things get really crazy when a mysterious sister shows up.
1. Prolouge

Illumi poked the fleshy thing in front of him. It giggled. He stared hard at the baby, not sure what to make of it. Sure he'd heard of babies in stories and such, but he'd never actually _seen_ one. Well, he had seen his brother Milluki when he was born, but he didn't remember that experience all that well. Besides, he and his brother had had little contact back then. He'd been two at the time. You didn't let the two-year-old run around with the baby. So all in all his experience with babies was limited.

He stared at the baby some more. It stared back at him with eyes that mirrored his own. Its head was too big and it didn't have enough hair. But he supposed that it was cute as far as babies went. Perhaps it was even adorable, in a bulbous sort of way.

Now bored with the baby, he reached up and gently tapped the mobile above the baby's crib. The colorful thing was what his mother called "contemporary". Not being very worldly at the age of ten, Illumi didn't know whether his mother was just weird, or if the world outside was really like this. If it was, he wasn't sure he wanted to go out there; it probably had too many angles for his taste.

The baby, obviously not wanting to be ignored, reached up and grabbed at his hand. It missed. It tried again, this time with more enthusiasm. When it failed again, it made a frustrated noise and began to flail madly, desperate to grab his hand.

Illumi sighed. "Determined aren't you, Kil?" he said, offering his hand. Killua smiled sweetly and promptly put the hand in his mouth.

Illumi drew back in disgust. "Yuck! You're gums are slimy!" Killua frowned, and reached for his hand. "Oh no, I'm wise to you."

He stared at Killua. Killua stared back, then smiled.

"I should hate you, you know. I have every right to. I was perfectly happy being the center of attention, then you have to go and be born and all of a sudden I'm old news. Something to be stuffed into the attic and never spoken of again," he spoke almost bitterly. The baby didn't seem the least bit sorry. He reached out for Illumi, his little legs kicking and rest of his body wiggling to get his point across. Despite himself, Illumi smiled offered him a finger. Killua immediately seized it and began to chew.

Illumi leaned in the side of the crib and watched his baby brother take delight on gnawing at a finger. "You're weird, you know that?"

Before the baby could answer with his extensive vocabulary of "ga", their mother walked in. Illumi pulled his hand out of the crib.

"Illumi, what are you doing with the baby?"

Illumi shrugged. "Just playing with him."

His mother frowned and looked slightly panicky. "But what if you're carrying diseases? You know how sensitive babies are! And germs are tricky little things, trying to hurt my poor little babies!" She began to wail. "It's bad enough that your father keeps those dogs around! How am I supposed to protect my family if dogs are running loose, infected with rabies, and lice, and typhoid, and who knows what else?"

"Mom, I don't think typhoid is a disease that dogs carry."

Her attention snapped to him. "What if they are!" she shrieked, "You don't believe those _scientists_, do you? I am your mother! I know more about diseases than anyone else who ever lived!" She was now getting close to hysterical. Illumi slowly backed away. Worried mothers were scary, but a worried _Zoldyeck_ mother was something even his father was afraid of.

"Ok, mom. I'll sanitize before going near Killua."

And suddenly the hysteria was turned off. "There's a good boy," she cooed. She turned around and began to leave. "Oh, by the way, could you watch Killua for a little while?"

Illumi frowned. "Bu-"

"Thank you, dear," she said airily. Then she left.

Illumi glared down at his brother. "You don't know how much I wish I could loathe you right now." The baby giggled, and reached out for Illumi's hand.


	2. Toddler Time

When Killua was born, his mother had told him and Milluki that their new baby brother was going to be their responsibility. Illumi had assumed that she had meant that they were supposed to teach him things and make sure their brother didn't get his ass killed. He did not predict that he would be woken up in the middle of the night and have a two-year-old Killua shoved into his arms by a exasperated nanny.

"You take care of him," she growled. "I'm going to bed!" Illumi looked down and the toddler in his arms. Killua smiled up at him with an innocence that only a child could produce. Despite his annoyance, Illumi couldn't find it in his heart to abandon him for sleep. No one could ignore that face.

Sighing, he closed the door and sat Killua on his bed. He sat down next to him.

"So, what do you want?" Killua didn't respond. He just stared at Illumi, a sweet smile on his face. "What? Why are you staring at me?" There was no answer. Of course there was no answer. Killua couldn't talk yet. The closest thing that he'd ever said was "Ga" which his mother had immediately interpreted to be "Mama" and burst into tears.

Illumi looked at his clock. The digits read 2:00 am. He groaned. Why was he stuck with the one baby in the world with insomnia?

He sighed. "Are you hungry or something?" Killua laughed and clapped his hands happily. "Ok, food it is." Illumi scooped up his brother and carried him into the kitchenette down the hall. Mostly it was for Milluki's midnight snack, but that had been two hours ago.

He plopped Killua down onto the table and began rummaging in some cupboards. He found some eggs, some milk, and a box of Bisquick. He threw them all into a bowl and began to stir. He'd done this a lot during his mother's pregnancy. She'd craved food all the time, and Illumi had been the only one around to make it for here. The butlers weren't allowed to be near her or her food because of their impure blood carrying germs, his great-grandfather could barely lift a spoon, his grandfather flat out refused to cook, and his father _wasn't allowed near the kitchen_. And his brother had been four. Four-year-olds had a bad habit of burning the house down.

He finished stirring the batter and poured it onto a skillet. A few minutes later, he was expertly flipping pancakes through the air onto a plate. He finished, and presented the food to Killua. Killua stared at the pancakes for a bit, then stared at Illumi like he was some kind of nut.

"What? Haven't you ever seen pancakes before?" He held one up. "Paa-nn-caake. Oh, come on, mom ate enough of them when she was pregnant." Killua gave his brother a confused look. Illumi sighed. "Look, you just take one like this," he picked up one from the plate, "and bite it like this," he took a big bite out of the pancake. "See?" he said through the mouthful.

Killua's expression brightened. He immediately grabbed a pancake and took a huge bite, almost as big as Illumi's. He then choked.

Illumi picked him up and patted his back. "Stupid kid," he said between pats. "You don't take a bite bigger than your mouth." Killua regained his ability to breathe, and Illumi set him back down. "Take smaller bites, like this." He took a very small bite, barely big enough to need chewing. Killua looked on in amazement, and then imitated his brother.

Illumi smiled. "Good." Killua glowed under his brother's praise. They finished off the rest of the pancakes, and went back to bed. Killua fell asleep snuggled up to Illumi's chest. Illumi really wanted to sleep alone, but he supposed that one night wouldn't hurt.

The next morning, the Zoldyecks were all sitting at the table eating breakfast. Silva was engrossed in a conversation with Zeno, Milluki was engrossed in his third plate, Illumi was engrossed with not watching Milluki eat (the process made him rather sick), and Kikyou was engrossed with her son.  
"Come on now," she cooed, "eat the oatmeal for mommy." Killua shook his head defiantly, his mouth clamped shut.

Kikyou sighed. "Silva, I think that Killua's becoming anorexic. He won't eat his oatmeal."

Silva looked over to his youngest son. "Perhaps he just doesn't want to eat oatmeal."

Kikyou frowned. "Well . . . I _suppose_ that could be possible. I mean, I think I'd know telepathically, being his mother, but . . . " She turned back to Killua. "Killua, dear. What do you want to eat?"

Killua looked up, smiling. "Pa- Pa-"

"SILVA!" Kikyou shrieked. "SILVA! HE'S SAYING PAPA! COME OVER HERE!" Humoring his wife, Silva walked over and stared at his son.

"Come on dear,' Kikyou coaxed. "Say 'Papa'."

"Pa- Pa- Pancake!"

There was silence.

"What, dear?"

"Pancake!" said Killua, this time with more confidence. "Pancake, pancake, pancake!" He reached out for Illumi, who was suddenly really interested in his cereal.

Kikyou looked from Illumi to Killua. "I don't understand."

Silva shrugged. "He wants pancakes for breakfast. I don't see any harm in that."

"But why . . . "

"He's fine, Kikyou. Now, you have a meeting with a client in an hour, I suggest you get ready."

"Well . . . all right." She picked Killua up and handed him to Illumi. "Look after him while I'm gone."

"Yes mother." She left.

Killua looked up at Illumi. "Pancake!"


	3. Tender Loving Care

A/N: Hey! I'm really surprised that you're still reading this, seeing as I haven't updated in what, a month? .; Yeah, school's kind of been eating my life. Sorry about that, I'll try harder this time. Oh, and I'd also like to apologize the way my grammar exploded in the last chapter. I tried to fix some of the glaring errors, but I don't have a whole lot of time to re-write, and I don't want to swamp my usual beta; she has work of her own to do. Ok, shutting up now.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/plot devices/settings, all are © Yoshihiro Togashi. The writing is © me. (I just found the copyright button! Yay!)

"Pancake!" Illumi froze in mid-stride. _Why_ was his brother the _one baby in the entire freaking world_ that didn't sleep at all? Killua was a morning person, a night person, an afternoon person, and a wee-hours-of-the-morning-that-some-scientists-say-don't-exist-because-nobody-has-ever-been-able-to-stay-up-long-enough-to-find-out person. That kid just didn't stop going. Illumi briefly considered whether or not Killua was really a robot and part of his training. But if Killua was a robot, he wouldn't be able to take baths, and he certainly had a lot of those . . . Though Illumi did seem to be wetter than he was afterwards. Perhaps-

"PANCAKE!" He winced. Killua was firmly convinced that his name was "Pancake" and refused to call him anything else. Pancake was _not_ the proper name for a top assassin.

Sighing, Illumi walked into the room. "What?"

Killua looked up from his crib happily. "Pancake!" he exclaimed, clearly overjoyed that his brother had come.

"No, Killua. My name's Illumi." He pointed to himself. "Illuuumi."   
Killua giggled. "Pancake."

Illumi leaned on the side of the crib and glared at his brother. "You're a conniving little thing, aren't you? You wait until I'm getting my hopes up, then bring them crashing down about my ears. Evil little gremlin."

Killua grinned. Apparently gremlin was the exact title that he'd been aiming for. Stupid kid.

Suddenly, Killua sat up and reached for Illumi. "Pancake, up!"

Illumi folded his arms. "No. Not until you take your nap."

"Pancake!"

Illumi turned around. He would be strong; he would not give in to Killua's wishes.

"Pancake," came the teary plea. Illumi then did something stupid: he turned around.

Killua was looking at him with a pained expression on his face. He looked completely dejected that his favorite older brother wouldn't pick him up. His eyes were huge and watery, his mouth turned down at the corners.

"Pancake?" he whispered.

_I'M WEAK! I CAVE!_ cried Illumi's inner conscious. With a frustrated sigh he picked up Killua and balanced him on his hip.

"There, happy?"

"Pancake!" Killua chirped gleefully. He immediately latched onto Illumi's neck and gave him a somewhat deadly hug.

"Yes, Kil," Illumi choked. "I love you too; but I really would like to breathe if you don't mind."

Killua released his windpipes and smiled. "Fun?" he questioned.

Illumi sighed. "Ok, what do you want to do?" Killua immediately reached for his train set.

Illumi's eyebrow traveled up to his hairline. "Again? But we just finished playing trains half an hour ago. Wouldn't you rather play something else?"

"Nya!" Killua insisted, if only because "No" wasn't part of his vocabulary. But Illumi had the sinking feeling that it was going to be coming along soon.

Killua looked up at him, innocent hope in his eyes. "Nyagaki?"

Illumi sighed, defeated once again by the mind-bending, heart-wrenching cute. "Ok, trains it is."

"Nagi!" Killua clapped his hands in appreciation of his brother's decision.

Illumi put Killua on the floor and began to set up the train set . . . for the eighty-fifth time. And one of the pieces stabbed his thumb, for the eighty-fifth time. And Killua tried to help by biting off the train conductor's head, for the eighty-fifth time.

Illumi took the doll away from Killua. "No, Kil. We don't bite off people's heads." He paused for a moment. "Unless you're mom."

Killua made distressed noises and tried to grab the conductor out of Illumi's grasp. Illumi held it up out of his reach.

"You promise not to bite his head anymore? And to treat him like you would a normal person?"

Killua nodded eagerly, positive that he knew what to do. Reluctantly, Illumi handed the doll back to Killua. Killua hyper-crawled over to his diaper changing station, and pulled out a safety pin. He then began stabbing the conductor with gusto.

He looked up to Illumi, searching for approval.

"Ok, Kil. Fair enough. Come on now, the train's ready."

Killua crawled back over to the tracks and climbed into his brother's lap. Illumi turned the track on, and the train began to move. Killua screamed and clapped with delight every time the train passed them, then waited with baited breath to see whether or not the train would come again.

While the toy was on the other side of the track, Killua looked up at Illumi and smiled. He held up the conductor, who was now a bit worse for wear.

"Dead," he said happily. When his brother didn't respond, he tried again. "Dead."

Illumi sighed, almost sadly. The blood always got you in the end. "Yes Kil, that's what we do to other people; we make them dead."

Killua smiled, and then went back to the train, the dead conductor in his hands.


	4. Extra Story 1

A/N: Yeah, I thought I wasn't going to do any extra stories for this one, but the plot bunny had other plans. This really didn't fit into any of the chapters, so I decided just to stick it in an extra story bubble. So it goes.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/plot devices/settings, all are © Yoshihiro Togashi. The writing is © me. (I just found the copyright button! Yay!)

Killua pulled at Illumi's pant leg. Illumi looked down to see his brother's questioning stare.

"Yes?"

"'Lumi, why does mommy act so weird?"

Illumi looked up at the ceiling, thinking. It was a very good question. His mother was indeed strange, but Illumi had no idea why. He supposed that it was clinical insanity, but he didn't think that Killua would really understand that and he didn't feel like giving a lecture on the female mind, mostly because he had no clue how it really worked. So he gave Killua the next best possible answer.

"Mom's an alien."

Killua's eyes grew wide. "Really?"

"Yes. She's from a planet far, far away."

"Why did she come to Earth?"

Illumi hadn't expected this. Normally Killua accepted everything he said as true and never asked questions. Damn.

"Um . . . she fell in love with dad."

"Why?"

"Um, he looked sexy."

"Why didn't they go to her planet?"

_Again_ with the questions? Wait! He knew this one! He'd seen it in a movie once.

"She was a princess and her family didn't want her to be married to an earthling, so she and dad ran away together to get married and rule the free world."

Killua frowned. "Then why are we assassins?"

"Erm . . . They're still working in the ruling the world part."

"Oh. Okay!" Killua walked off, enlightened.

**LATER**

Killua tugged on his mother's skirt. She looked down.

"Yes dear?"

"Mama, am I a bird?"

She frowned. "What?"

"Well, on Sesame Street, Big Bird said that he was just like me, an' I thought that if he was like me than I must be a bird 'cause he's not a human."

Kikyou made a mental note to forbid Killua from watching Sesame Street ever again.

"No, dear. You're not a bird, you're a human."

"So I'm normal?"

Kikyou blanched. "NO! CERTAINLY NOT! You are anything but _normal_. You're a precious gift from above!"

Killua's expression brightened. "So I'm from the same planet you're from?"

"What dear?"

"'Lumi said that you're an alien from another planet, and that you fell in love with daddy and that you both want to rule the free world."

There was silence. Then:

"ILLUMI!"


	5. The Tissue Adventure

A/N: Sorry I haven't been updating for so long! I'm doing this thing called NaNoWriMo, which is where you write a 50,000 word novel in a month. It's been eating up all my time, along with, you know, life. So this is probably all I'll be able to update until at least the end of this month. But fear not! I shall not abandon you. I've got some ideas sketched out, so you can expect some sort of update early in December if all goes as planned. Well, enough of my ramblings, have fun!

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/plot devices/settings, all are © Yoshihiro Togashi. The writing is © me.

"Kachu!" Illumi looked up from his book to see the source of the sound. His little brother wiggled his nose experimentally; curious as to why he was sneezing.

"Kachu!" Killua looked up to Illumi. "Pancake!" he called, obviously distressed. Illumi sighed and picked him up. He'd given up trying to resist, it never worked.

"Kachu!" Illumi pulled a Kleenex out of a box net to Killua's crib and wiped his nose. Killua struggled and tried to resist the white tissue.

"Nya!" the toddler cried.

"Come on, Kil. It's just a Kleenex, it's not going to hurt you any."

"NYA!!" Killua was frantic by now. With a sigh Illumi placed the _murderous_ Kleenex on the table and shifted his brother to the other hip.

Killua looked up at him, love and admiration shining in his eyes. "Pancake," he chirped, proud that _his_ pancake had defeated the tissue menace. For doing such a brave and selfless act, Illumi earned himself a hug around the head and a big, wet baby kiss on the cheek.

_Eww_, said his brain as spit dripped down his face. He surreptitiously tried to move Killua away from his face. This was a very stupid act, because as soon as Killua noticed he was being separated from his brother he grabbed a fistful of Illumi's hair and tried to pull himself back.

"Gya!" Illumi yelped. He tried to yank his hair back while _not_ dropping the baby, which didn't work at all. Damn.

"Kil," he choked through the pain, "let go of my hair."

Killua obeyed, but only because he was close enough to latch on to Illumi's neck. Now Illumi had a headache, pain in his scalp, and a baby dangling from his neck like some sort of gaudy tie. And he couldn't breathe . . . that was probably the most pressing problem.

He tried to dislodge the child from his neck while ignoring the black spots that were dancing in front of his vision. But Killua was a tenacious little thing, and refused to let go even for a nanosecond.

Finally Illumi gave up and hoisted Killua up onto his hip again. Killua looked up at him, then slowly began to disentangle his arms from Illumi's neck. Experimentally, Illumi tried to lower Killua down to the floor but the toddler just leapt back up onto his neck with renewed vigor. Getting the message, Illumi pulled Killua back up and allowed the child to snuggle into his arms.

He sighed and sat down in a rocking chair in a corner of the room. He really didn't know _why_ they had a rocking chair because no one ever used it . . . at all. But it was a convenient place to sit so he sank down and leaned his head back. He had always prided himself on his stamina, but this kid completely drained him. There was no amount of training that could have ever prepared him for childcare. Gods he was tired. Perhaps he could take a bit of a nap . . .

Illumi felt a small hand gently tug on his hair. He opened one eye. Killua was staring sat him inquisitorially.

"Pancake?" he queried.

Illumi chuckled. "Oh, that's right. You have never seen me sleep before have you?" He ruffled Killua's hair. "It's all right. I'm fine, really."

Killua crawled up his chest, not convinced. Illumi leaned back as Killua peered into his face, making sure that everything was where it was supposed to be. Satisfied, he plopped back down onto Illumi's lap and snuggled close to his chest. Suddenly, he jumped back, apparently surprised.

Illumi frowned. "What's wrong, Kil?"

Killua looked up at his brother, a very serious look upon his face. He carefully leaned his head towards Illumi's chest and put his ear to where Illumi's heart was. He listened carefully for a few moments, then leaned back to look up at Illumi, confusion on his face.

He tapped Illumi's heart. "What?" he asked.

Illumi was a bit startled. "That's a heart, Killua. It makes noise."

Killua gave him a blank look that clearly asked "Why?"

"Because I'm alive."

Killua cocked his head. "What?"

Illumi stared at him, amazed at the whole in his little brother's vocabulary. And yet at the same time, he really wasn't.

"Alive is what you are before you're dead."

Killua cocked his head to the other side, pondering this bit of new information. He stared off into space for a while, and then smiled.

He pointed to Illumi. "Aliba."

"Alive," Illumi repeated.

"Alibe." Killua attempted to mimic the sounds his brother was making and became teary-eyed when he failed to get it perfect.

"Good enough," said Illumi quickly, not wanting Killua to go into a crying episode. Killua's face glowed at the praise. Happy that he'd satisfied his brother, he curled up on Illumi's lap and went to sleep.

Illumi puts his hand on Killua's chest. He felt a tiny heartbeat against his palm. He took his hand away and sighed. Killua was alive now, anyone could tell that by looking into his bright eyes. But he was a Zoldyeck. And the Zoldyeck heir at that. Illumi didn't know how much longer Killua's eyes would stay bright.

If all went as his family had planned, in a few years Illumi would be looking into a pair of cold, heartless, _dead_ eyes.


	6. Bath Time!

A/N: Um . . . I know it's not December like I said. And honestly, all I can really do is apologize. I'm really sorry that I made you all wait so long. Seriously, I feel really bad. ;;

To be honest, you have sailor aidos to thank for this. I read her review on "Freedom" and felt so bad that I hadn't updated in so long that I sat down and started writing then and there. Thanks sailor aidos! I owe you one. :D

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/plot devices/settings, all are © Yoshihiro Togashi. The writing is © me.

"Killua, hold still!"

"No!"

"Come on, it'll be over in a minute."

"Pancake, stop!"

Illumi struggled to hold his brother in the bathtub, while at the same time trying to get some shampoo in his hair. He was also getting very wet . . . damn toddlers and their instinctual hatred of baths.

"It's okay, Kil. I promise, putting shampoo in your hair isn't going to kill you."

"Yes it is!"

Illumi sighed exasperatedly. "You can drink and eat various poisons and not even flinch, I think something as harmless as shampoo isn't going to hurt you any."

"_Pancake_ never uses shampoo."

Realization dawned. _Toddler see, toddler do_. "Oh no, Kil. I use shampoo all the time. It keeps my hair nice." Illumi demonstrated by taking some shampoo and rubbing it onto his head. He felt rather silly, but he would do _anything_ to get that kid to stop squirming and screaming about shampoo.

Killua watched his brother with wide eyes. Illumi grinned at him and washed the shampoo out of his hair. "See? I'm just fine. And now I'm going to be all pretty."

Killua grinned and reached for the shampoo bottle. Illumi smirked. Well, that had been easy enough. Maybe he was getting this baby-sitting thing down. Finally.

The rest of the bath went smoothly, and Illumi emerged only wet, instead of sopping like he normally was. Feeling quite proud of himself he got Killua into some new clothes, changed his own clothes, and headed off to lunch.

Afterwards, he wished he hadn't.

The whole Zoldyeck family was present for lunch that day. This was a very rare occasion, but it wasn't unheard of. There were times when all of them just happened to wander into the dining hall at the same time. They'd nod at each other and begin to eat whatever was put in front of them.

Illumi vaguely noticed that his mother was pregnant. He probably had another five, six months to go before he would have another baby to take care of. He couldn't wait. No, really. He was absolutely _thrilled_ about having to take care of Killua and another child. Honestly!

Anyhow, no one talked much as they ate, except for Kikyou who cooed over Killua every so often. Everything was very peaceful . . . until dessert was brought out.

Illumi had never really minded pudding before, it was a perfectly respectable dessert. True, he preferred to have some sort of sweet fruit or something, but there was nothing wrong with pudding in the least.

. . . Unless you were dealing with Killua. Then pudding was a very bad thing to have around.

You see, Killua was still very young, and while he was also very smart, he still had a few things to learn about the world. For example, if it looks like shampoo, but it actually is pudding, it is not a good idea to put it on your head.

"Killua don't!" But Illumi was too late. Killua had already taken the pudding and shoved the entire thing, bowl and all, onto his head. There was a gentle _plop_ as globs of vanilla pudding fell from his head.

He looked to Illumi with a huge smile. "Pancake," he chirped, "I'm pretty!"

No one said a word. Before Milluki could make a comment, Illumi gave him a glare that clearly said "If you say a word I swear I will kill you and don't you dare say that Mom and Dad wouldn't let me because I can damn well make it look like an accident." There was a lot of truth in this glare. Milluki shrank back and busied himself with the pudding that had been set in front of him.

Illumi did not want to look at his parents, nor his grandfather. He didn't know what he would see if he did look, but he did know that none of the three would be scared off by a glare. He just kept his eyes fixated on the toddler before him.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Illumi stood and picked up Killua. He took the bowl off his brother's head and put it on the table. Then he walked out of the room, with his back to the three adults.

"Pancake should be pretty too," said Killua. He reached up to his own hair and pulled out some globs of pudding. Then he began to vigorously rub the sticky substance into Illumi's hair. Illumi flinched as he felt it mix in with his beautiful raven locks. He was going to need at least eight showers before he could get the stuff out.

"Come on, Kil, we need to take another bath."

"Why? We're already really pretty!"

Illumi looked down at his brother's smiling face. He wanted to tell Killua that pudding in your hair was _not_ pretty, but he just couldn't bring himself to break his poor baby brother's heart. And who knew? Next time he might just dump a bowl of pudding on Milluki's head. That _would_ be a sight that Illumi would enjoy.

"Well, we need to be even more pretty, okay?"

"Okay, Pancake," Killua said. Then he snuggled into his big brother's arms and promptly fell asleep. Illumi ignored the pudding that was slowly dripping from Killua's hair and down his shirt. Well . . . he at least _tried_ to ignore it. There's something about slimy pudding dribbling down your back that's just really hard to ignore.

Hours later, after Illumi had gotten all of the pudding off of himself and Killua, he managed to get Killua to take a nap. How he did this he would never know, but he wanted someone to build a statue of him somewhere for completing such a dangerous and difficult task.

He was walking down the halls of the mansion enjoying the silence when he ran into his grandfather.

"Oh, Illumi," Zeno said. "You're parents were looking for you. They're waiting in your father's room."

"Oh, thanks." Illumi began to walk away. "Bye."

"Bye, Pancake."

Illumi winced but to his credit, he didn't turned around.

"You wanted to see me?" he asked.

"Yes," answered his father. His mother was sitting next to his father, looking worried. This did not bode well. When his mother was worried, something was afoot. And this something usually involved one of her children.

"Illumi, your sister is coming here."

Illumi frowned. Sister? What . . . Then he remembered. His younger sister, Alluka, had been staying with Kikyou's mother for the past few years. Kikyou went to visit her quite often, but believed that her daughter would turn out to be a better young lady if she was raised away from all the testosterone in the Zoldyeck household. At least, his mother called Alluka's living arrangement "staying with your grandmother". From what Illumi knew, Alluka was a prisoner in her grandmother's house. She never went out and spent all of her time among the stuck-up and prissy ladies that populated his grandmother's home. Sometimes he worried a bit about her being locked up with them, but he never really was able to worry for long. After all, he only saw her maybe once every two years.

"Oh, yes."

Silva leaned forward. "We believe that it's time for her to live here for a while. She hasn't been getting adequate training lately, and we don't want her to grow up not knowing the basics of assassination. So, we want you to train her while she's here."

Illumi paused for a moment to process this information. "All right. I assume Killua will have a different baby-sitter?"

"Yes," said Silva.

"This is ridiculous!" cried Kikyou, obviously unable to hold her emotions back any longer. "Silva, my little girl is just fine! She's being well cared for and when the time comes for her training _I'll_ be the one to administer it. But she's just not ready. What about-"

"That's enough, Kikyou," said Silva quietly. "You're far too busy to train her in the basics. When she's ready for specialization you can take over. But Illumi will be a better teacher for her foundations."

He looked to Illumi. "You may go, Illumi. Get yourself ready for when she comes."

"Yes, father." Illumi stood and left. He did not hear the conversation going on behind him.

"But what about her condition?" hissed Kikyou.

"She's a Zoldyeck, Kikyou," Silva responded. "She's strong."

"But-"

"Stop worrying. She'll be fine."

Kikyou sighed. "I suppose there's nothing I can do to change your mind."

"There isn't."

She stood and began to walk out of the room. She turned back to her husband. "Just remember, I always said this was a bad idea," she snapped. Then she walked out, slamming the door behind her.

A/N: Okay, anyone who's gone through the HunterxHunter series knows that I'm skewing some things about the Zoldyeck lineage. But for the purpose of this fic, bear with me. I promise, my placing of Alluka does have a purpose later on.


	7. Alluka

A toddler with white hair crawled determinately down the corridor. He was a fast crawler by all accounts and had so far been able to out maneuver the temporary baby-sitters that had been watching him.

Behind him said babysitters were shouting at one another. Their conversation went something like this:

"Where's Killua?"

"_You_ had him last!"

"I did not!"

"Oh my god! We _lost_ Killua!"

"Oh no! Illumi's gonna kill us!"

"Illumi? What's _Kikyou_ going to do when she finds out we lost him?"

There was a collective scream of absolute terror. But Killua ignored this and kept going. He finally came to the door he wanted. Or at least, the door he hoped he wanted. Being young, he hadn't quite mastered counting yet, and the only way to really find you way in the Zoldyeck mansion was to count doors or leave bread crumbs in a trail behind you. And Killua didn't have any bread.

However, because Killua was a Zoldyeck he was able to memorize the layout of places quickly, especially places he's been to often. And he'd been to Illumi's room more than enough times for his visits to qualify as "often."

After finding the right door sat in front of it, and glared at the handle. It was mocking him, he knew it. Just because he wasn't quite tall enough to be able to reach it easily didn't mean that it had to go and flaunt its superiority over him. He stuck his tongue out at it. It remained silently aloof. He glared harder at it, hoping that it would get scared and go away. It didn't respond to his mental death threats.

With one last glare, he unsteadily got to his feet and tried to jump. This didn't really work because he hadn't _quite_ managed to get the whole standing without swaying thing down yet. But he was close!

In any event, he managed to touch the doorknob before he landed on the floor with a painful _whumph!_ He didn't cry at all, but he did glare at the doorknob with more loathing than he had a few minutes ago.

And then the door opened. Killua grinned when he saw his older brother looking down at him with a mild look of confusion and surprise on his face.

"Pancake!" He reached up his arms and expected to be pulled into his brother's embrace. Instead Illumi just stared at him.

"Weren't you supposed to be with your sitters?" he said.

"Pancake?" Killua gave his brother a confused look. He'd _always_ been picked up when he'd asked to be. What was wrong?

Illumi sighed when he saw the look of utter dejection on Killua's face. Someday he'd be able to resist Killua's puppy dog face. Today, however, was not that day. He bent over and picked Killua off of the floor and balanced the toddler on his hip like he did almost every day. Killua smiled at him and snuggled close to him.

"What's going on?" snapped an icy female voice. Illumi glanced over his shoulder at the girl on his bed.

"I just need to return Killua to one of his sitters. I'll be right back."

"No!" the girl snapped. "You're _my_ tutor, and therefore you're going to stay with me until I dismiss you."

Illumi turned around to give his little sister a stern glare. "I'm not your servant, Alluka, I'm your brother. Your _older_ brother to be exact. I'm going to give Killua back to his sitters and then I'll be back to continue our lesson."

"No, you're going finish the lesson _then_ go take care of that little demon. Or better yet, just throw him out in the hall. He'll be okay."

"Look, you're in no position---"

"Neither are you." She gave him a knowing smile. "Mother and Father said that you had to teach me and I'm going to hold you to that. What would they say if I told them that you had abandoned me to take care of some random brat?"

Illumi shrugged. "He's the heir. We'll see what Mother and Father care more about, you're education or the safety of the future leader of the Zoldyecks."

Alluka gave him a sour look. "Well I want to go back to my room as soon as possible, so I forbid you to leave before our lesson is finished."

He sighed. It was obvious that arguing with her wasn't going to get him anywhere. And though he wasn't going to admit it to her, she was going to win. He knew that if he tried to leave she would throw a tantrum. He'd seen Alluka's temper tantrums when she'd come the previous day and her room was too cold for her. It had taken an hour for the ringing in his ears to die down. And that had been when he'd been an innocent bystander. Illumi didn't want to be at the other end of his sister's anger.

"All right, fine. I'll just keep him in here with us." He knew that she didn't want Killua to stay with them, but he wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of having her way completely.

"Well, if you must have him here," she said haughtily.

"Where were we?"

"Strategy."

"Fine." Illumi sat down on the bed with Killua on his lap and went back to the lesson. Killua curiously looked over to the girl that was glaring at him. She looked an awful lot like Illumi, with slightly different facial features. He stared at her for a few more seconds, and then gave her a welcoming grin.

"Illumi, it's looking at me."

Illumi stopped his lecture and looked down at Killua, who was looking very confused at his sister's sharp tone.

"Leave him alone and pay attention."

"I don't want it looking at me! It's distracting."

"Alluka, Killua's not an it," Illumi growled impatiently. "He's your little brother and the heir to the Zoldyeck family."

"_That _little thing?" she said disbelievingly. "Are you kidding me? _I'm_ stronger than he is."

"He's still young."

"He's not cut out to be the heir. Milluki would probably make a better heir than he would." She looked at Illumi carefully. "In fact, I thought _you_ were going to be the heir. Mother told me a lot about your skill and some of your best jobs. And there's the fact that Father wants you to train me. They obviously know that you're a good assassin." She grinned at him. "Why is it that this brat's the heir and you're stuck with babysitting duty?"

Illumi kept his face blank and his voice level. "Moving on, where's the best place of entrance when you're infiltrating a business office?"

Nothing more was said about Illumi's place in the family or lack thereof. About a half hour later Alluka declared that she was tired and needed her afternoon nap. She left the room without another word. Illumi sat quietly with Killua on his lap until he could no longer hear his sister's steps as she made her way down the hall.

He looked down at the small child that he still held in his arms. Killua looked up at him with a sweet smile. He sighed and stood.

"Come on, Kil. Let's get you a snack." Killua smiled at clapped his hands in excitement.

A/N: Okay, it's only been about a month since I last updated. Which is better than the last one. I'm trying here, but you have to understand that I've got a lot going on right now, and to be honest this fanfic usually gets put on the bottom of my priority list. This whole thing is a product of random, sporadic writing that I've done in my spare time.

ALSO: Again, I realize I'm fudging a few things about the Zoldyeck family. And that in some respects I'm blatantly ignoring some cannon stuff. But it all has a purpose, okay? Please just bear with me.

And one more thing: This is mostly a build-up chapter. I apologize if it isn't as interesting at the others.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/plot devices/settings, all are © Yoshihiro Togashi. The writing is © me.


	8. The Truth

The sun quietly rose above the horizon, shedding its light on Kukuru Mountain. Most of the Zoldyecks had already been awake for several hours, and just barely acknowledged the sunrise. However, there were two members of the Zolyeck family that didn't even know the sun had risen.

Illumi and Alluka were in the deepest pits of the mansion, preparing to train. Illumi stretched his muscles a bit, not bothering to properly warm up. He didn't know what fighting skills Alluka had been taught while with his grandmother, but he doubted that she would be strong enough to present him with a challenge.

"We're going to start out with sparring so I can see where you are. After that we'll start to reinforce your present skills. Once those are solid, we'll start on your weaknesses. If you're anything like the rest of the family, you'll be adequate within the year. After that, Mother will take over your training. Any questions?"

"Who's training Killua?"

Illumi turned his head sharply to give his sister a warning look. "Why?"

"I just want to know."

"I was supposed to," said Illumi slowly, "but since you needed training more than he did, Father decided it would be best if Killua got his basic training from one of the butlers until I was done training you."

"Oh," was all she said. Then Illumi noticed that she hadn't moved from her spot against the wall since they'd gotten down there.

"Are you going to warm up or not?"

She turned her head haughtily. "No."

"Why?"

"I don't need to."

"Oh? You honestly think that you can train without any warm up whatsoever?"

"I'm a Zoldyeck aren't I?"

Illumi scoffed. "So am I. And I'm a lot more powerful than you are, and I know the importance of preparing yourself before you physically strain yourself."

"Well, I don't care. I never had to warm up when I was with grandmother."

Illumi sighed. "Fine. I'll let you learn the hard way. Just come over here so we can start."

Alluka hesitated. Her face was completely blank, but Illumi could tell that she was doing some fast thinking. But he wasn't quite sure what she was thinking about. It was just sparring. Why would she be worried about that?

"Don't we need to eat breakfast first?"

"No. We train before we eat."

"Well I'm used to eating right now, so I'll just leave."

Illumi shot over to her and grabbed her shoulder. She stared at him, shocked at his speed.

"You are not leaving until I am satisfied that your training for the day has been completed," he snapped. "The longer you stall, the longer you have to wait before we're done. So I suggest that you stop your whining and start sparring."

"I want to eat!" she shouted, her face turning red.

"Too bad. This isn't grandmother's house, and I'm not a servant. You do things on my time, not yours."

"Fine! But I'm telling Mother that you didn't let me eat when I was hungry!"

Illumi shrugged. "Fine. Just start so we can leave."

He walked to the other side of the room and took a fighting stance. "All right, come at me."

Alluka stood there for a moment, suddenly very unsure. Illumi waited. She finally took a deep breath and ran at him, her hand curled into a fist. He tensed his muscles, preparing for the blow. But when it came, he was surprised. It was like she was lightly tapping him instead of trying to hit him. He felt the pressure against his skin, but there was no force behind it. She drew her fist back and punched him again, and again, her blows becoming weaker and weaker.

Illumi caught one of her fists and held her back. He'd had a harder time keeping a hold of Killua.

"Alluka," he began.

"Stop it!" she shouted.

Illumi was taken aback by her desperate tone. "What?"

"Stop it! Stop holding me back! You're just upset that I'm so good. Well too bad! I'm going to train and be the best of all the Zoldyecks, you'll see! I'm better than you all, you just know more tricks. You're trying to keep me back, but I'll triumph over you and then you'll be sorry!"

Illumi stared at her. "Alluka, what are you talking about?"

"STOP BEING SO STRONG!" she howled, her face a bright red. She brought her other hand around to try and punch Illumi in the face, but he caught her hand effortlessly. This seemed to fuel her rage. She started to kick and squirm and bite and shout curses at Illumi about being tricky and how she would make him pay for his insolence. Illumi just waited, keeping her restrained. He didn't know what else to do.

Finally she seemed to run out of energy. Her knees buckled and she slid to the floor. Illumi released her hands, and they fell uselessly to Alluka's sides. She sat there on the cold cement ground, unmoving.

"Alluka," Illumi said cautiously, "are you all right?"

She didn't answer. He noticed that she was shaking. Whether it was from rage or exhaustion, Illumi couldn't tell.

"Leave," she snapped suddenly.

"Alluka, what just happened?"

Her head snapped up and she glared at him, hatred in her eyes. "I told you to leave!" she snarled.

Illumi stared at her for a few moments. Then slowly began to walk towards the door. With one last look back at the pathetic figure on the floor, he left.

Silva was absent-mindedly petting one of his dogs when there was a knock on his door.

"Come in," he called. Illumi walked in then shut the door behind him. "Hello, Illumi. Why have you come here?"

"I need to talk with you about Alluka."

"What about her?"

Illumi hesitated, wondering if he was doing the right thing. He shook his head. There was no other way. It was now or never.

"She's . . . different than I expected."

His father nodded. "Yes. I know."

"Then why am I training her?"

"Because she needs to learn."

"Father, she's not strong enough to be trained as an assassin. I'd be shocked if she was able to reach the skills that Killua has right now."

"She's a Zoldyeck, isn't she? She'll catch up."

"Father-"

"This discussion is over. You will train her as you would train any other member of this family. She will go on her first job in one month."

"That's not nearly-"

"Goodbye, Illumi."

Illumi sighed. "Goodbye, Father." He started to walk out the door.

"Oh, and Illumi?"

Illumi turned back. "Yes?"

"You have stayed here long enough. It's time for you to start taking jobs again. There is a file sitting on your bed. You leave at sunset."

"Yes, Father."

Killua wandered the Zoldyeck mansion, a confused look on his face. Where was Pancake? Usually by now he was in his room, waiting for Killua to come play with him. But Killua had just been to his room, and there wasn't anyone there. And the door had been open, which was strange unto itself.

He came to the front hall, where he just caught a glimpse of Illumi walking out the door.

"Pancake!" he cried. He power-crawled over to Illumi and attached himself to Illumi's leg.

Illumi looked down. "Killua? What are you doing?"

"Where Pancake going?" Killua asked.

"I'm leaving for a few days."

Tears welled up in Killua's eyes. "Leaving?"

"Yes. I have a job to do." Illumi stared down at his brother, who'd begun to cry. "What?"

"Don't leave!"

"I have to."

"No! Pancake needs to stay." Killua stared up at his older brother, a pleading look on his face. "Please?"

Illumi sighed. "Look, Kil, I'll only be gone for a while. Just wait until then, okay?"

"But-"

"I'll come back for you. I promise."

Killua wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Promise?"

"Yes." Illumi glanced around to make sure no one else was there, and then gave Killua a hug. "I'll always come back for you. All you need to do is wait."

Killua smiled and let go of Illumi's leg. Illumi patted him on the head, and then walked away. Killua stared at his retreating back until Illumi disappeared from sight.

Hours later, a servant came to Killua's side. "Master Killua, dinner's ready. Would you like to come to the dining hall?"

"No."

"Why not? You must be hungry."

"I'm waiting for Pancake to come back."

The servant's brow wrinkled. "Who?"

"You call him Illumi. But his real name's Pancake."

The servant decided not to ask. "I'm sure you're brother will be back soon. But for now you should come eat."

"No. I have to wait for Pancake to come for me."

The servant hesitated. Should she tell him the truth? Did he really need to know at such a young age? She nodded. Yes. He did.

"Master Killua, there is a chance that your brother might not come back."

Killua turned and glared at her. "Pancake _will_ come back! He promised!"

She sighed. "There is nothing that I can say to change your mind. I'll just bring your dinner here then."

Killua ignored her and went back to staring at the door, waiting for Illumi to come home.

A/N: Wow, seven chapters and one extra story. Yay! And so the secret of the Zoldyeck family has been revealed! Again, this may be bending cannon, (actually, I think we may be bordering on AU here), but it all has a purpose to the over-all plot line. Yes indeed, there is an over-all plot line. Exciting, no? I'll see you next time!

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/plot devices/settings, all are © Yoshihiro Togashi. The writing is © me.


	9. Weakened

Illumi stalked irritably up Kukuru Mountain towards his home. The nerve of some people! Calling him up, interrupting his day, and then deciding "Oh, never mind. I don't really _want_ then to be assassinated." Whilst he'd still gotten his money, no one wanted to cross a Zoldyeck, it was still a nuisance. Stupid rich people, pulling innocent, hard-working assassins from their daily lives for no good reason.

He walked through the door and almost tripped on something sitting in front of it. He looked down, and saw a newly awoken Killua staring blearily up at him. His little brother smiled.

"Hello, Pancake," he said.

Illumi stared at him. "Um, Killua? How long have you been there?"

Killua frowned and counted a few fingers. "This many weeks," he said, holding up all ten fingers.

Illumi was now the one to frown. "But Killua, I've only been gone this many hours," he said as he held up four fingers.

Killua shook his head so hard his hair bounded up and down. "No! I've been waiting for Pancake for this many days," he insisted, holding eight fingers.

Illumi sighed. "All right, you've been waiting for eight days."

"Nuh-uh! _This many_ years." Killua held up ten fingers and two toes.

Illumi felt a small smile tug at his lips. "Well, however long you waited, I'm glad that you did."

Killua smiled. "I waited for Pancake, just like Pancake said."

"That's right. And I came back, just like I said."

Killua's face split into a wide grin. "Pancake will always come back, because Pancake promised."

"That's right, Kil. I promised." Illumi sighed. "All right, let's get you something to eat. I bet you're hungry after waiting for twelve years."

Killua giggled. "Silly Pancake. I've only been waiting this many hours." He held up four fingers.

Another smile tried to make its way across Illumi's face. "So you _don't_ want anything to eat?"

Killua's head shook so hard that Illumi thought his hair was going to bounce right off. "No! I still want food."

"Okay, let's go."

"Okay, Alluka, let's try this one more time." Illumi took a fighting stance, and waited for her to take hers.

"I don't want to fight you," she said snippily.

Illumi tried not to growl in frustration. "It doesn't matter what you want. This is how we train here, so you're going to do it. If you have a problem with it, take it up with Mother or Father."

Alluka looked like she was about to say something, but then thought the better of it and took a fighting stance as well. Illumi had been using his parents as a threat more and more to get Alluka to do things. She had no chance against her parents, no matter how horrible she was.

She ran at him with her fists raised. To Illumi, it was like she was running in slow motion. He easily dodged. She came at him again, and once more he avoided her attack. Her face grew red again, and it looked like she was about to start screaming. Illumi just couldn't take another fit! He'd had enough of her moods and tantrums. So, instead of dodging, he allowed her to get a hit in. He threw himself to the ground, and lay there.

He heard Alluka's heavy breathing behind him. She sounded… elated. But he was more concerned with what he'd just done. He, _Illumi Zoldyeck_, had just taken a dive. He had to admit, it was nice to have her not screaming, but he'd still pretended to be weaker than he was. That went against more than a few of the things he'd been taught.

He stood up and turned towards the door. "Go… Go and lift weights or something," he said tersely, "it'll build up your endurance."

He walked out into the hall and leaned against the wall. He closed his eyes and tried to sort though everything. In the room behind him, he could hear Alluka struggling with the weights. He winced as he heard her frustrated cry. Well, it looked like meditation would have to wait.

He was about to go in and tell her to stop, when he heard her mumbling under her breath.

"Stupid weights. But who cares? I hit him, and he went down. Did you see how hard he went down? Oh yes, I'm going to go far. I may not be able to lift hunks of metal, but _he went down_. And that's all that matters. He went down. _I_ struck him down. Looks like I'm a Zoldyeck after all." She started to laugh. Illumi almost drew back from the doorway. Her laugh was the high-pitched kind that bordered on hysterics. He could hear the bitter joy in her voice. He suppressed the urge to shudder.

After a few minutes, he walked in. "Alluka, we're done for the day."

She smiled at him. "All right," she said sweetly. "I'll see you tomorrow." She sauntered out of the room. Illumi shook his head, and left out of the opposite door.

Illumi leaned against the window, staring out across the grand expanse of the mountain. The sun was just beginning to set. The dying rays caused shadows to play across his face, hiding half of it in complete shadow. He closed his eyes and relished the serene silence.

"Hello, Illumi," said a voice.

Illumi bit back a disappointed sigh. "Hello, Grandfather."

Zeno joined him in looking out the window. "Hm. Looks like there'll be a storm tomorrow," he said.

"I suppose so," Illumi replied distantly.

"Rain will be good, no doubt."

"Yes."

There was a pause.

"How is your training with Alluka going?"

Illumi stiffened. "It's… all right."

"Illumi, you're forgetting who you're talking to."

Illumi sighed. No one could lie to his grandfather. "I can get her to understand theory, no problem. Statistics and strategy are fine. She's a quick learner. But… She's weak. And no matter what I do, I cannot teach her strength."

Zeno stood in silence for a while. Then he spoke. "Do you know why Kikyou sent Alluka away?"

"She said it was because she wanted Alluka to grow up to be a proper lady."

"Yes, but do you know the real reason?"

Illumi shook his head. "No."

Zeno turned and looked him straight in the eye. "Don't you, now?"

Illumi thought for a moment. "She doesn't have the talent," he said quietly.

"Yes. Kikyou acknowledges this. She wanted to keep Alluka locked away with her grandmother forever."

"But Father doesn't."

"No. He wants Alluka to come back to the family. But to do that, she must be an assassin."

There was another long pause.

"What do you think about this?" Illumi asked.

"I think that you should do the job that you were assigned," Zeno replied. Then he started to walk off.

"She'll never learn," whispered Illumi.

Zeno stopped. "Then that's her problem, not yours," he said. Then he walked away.

Illumi gave a great sigh, and went back to looking out the window.

A/N: Hey, all! Sorry for being so tardy on the updates, and if this chapter seems a bit rushed. I've got finals going on and such, so writing has been taking a backseat lately. But my summer vacation's almost here, so no worries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/plot devices/settings, all are © Yoshihiro Togashi. The writing is © me.


	10. Extra Story 2

A/N: Just a little something fun. I thought it was high time I did something, and this little plot bunny's been bouncing in my head for quite some time. Notee: this does not take place during the timeline of the actual fic. It's just something extra. Enjoy!

--------------

"PANCAKE!" Illumi almost fell over in shock and grief. Just once, just once he wanted to walk past his little brother's room and _not_ be summoned by the name Pancake. But he had to go in, otherwise Killua would start crying.

Sighing he walked into Killua's room. "Yes?"

Killua grinned and reached up from the floor. "Pancake."

Illumi groaned. He didn't _want_ to pick up the small child. He wanted to go to bed and _sleep_. And perhaps read a book, and them have some Illumi time. None of his plans included picking up a small child. And yet what was he doing? He was picking up the small child.

_Damn you cuteness factor_, he snarled in his brain.

"Okay, Kil, you're up. Now will you leave me alone?"

"Let's play," said Killua.

Illumi groaned again. "You can't be serious."

"Let's play!" he insisted.

Illumi was about to try and explain to Killua that there was a magical thing called rest that most people needed every once and a while. Yes, even great assassins such as himself needed this commodity sometimes. And right now Illumi desperately needed rest. So if Killua would just be so kind as to let him get the rest…

Suddenly an idea struck him. A smile spread across his face. Of course! His parents had done the exact same thing with Milluki, so why wouldn't it work with Killua? All little kids were basically alike, weren't they?

He transferred Killua to the other him and grinned at him. "Hey Killua, how'd you like to play a brand new game?"

Killua's face lit up. "New game?"

"Yeah. It's called arts and crafts."

--------------

About an hour later, Illumi had Killua contentedly gluing paper together and scribbling with markers. He waited a little while, and then quietly snuck off, smirking at his genius.

A few minutes later Kikyou walked by. She glanced over and found her youngest gluing paper together and scribbling with markers.

"Dear, what are you doing?"

"Arts and calves!" exclaimed Killua. "Pancake told me it was fun, and it is!"

Kikyou blanched. "_My_ child being left only with these two dimensional pieces of nothing to express his creativity with? I think not!" She grabbed Killua and swept out of the room with him in tow.

She burst into her room and began rummaging through the closet. She pulled out an old dress of hers and started to tear it into strips. Once she was done, she dumped the strips in front of Killua along with glue, scissors, paper, and markers.

"Now you have three dimensional objects to work with. A _much_ better outlet for my little Picasso's creativity," she cooed. With that she left Killua to his work.

For about an hour Killua diligently glued, cut, drew, and glued more. Finally he was finished. He held up his handiwork to admire it in the light.

"I should show Pancake!" he exclaimed, and ran out the door to Illumi's room.

Illumi was rudely awakened by a cry of "Pancake! Pancake! Look at this!" He blearily opened his eyes and took in the gluey monstrosity of paper and fabric that had been thrust before his face.

"It's great Killua," he mumbled. "Go make another one."

"Right!" Killua hurried off and Illumi fell back asleep.

Meanwhile Killua had run back to his mother's room only to find that he had used the entire dress in his project. Tears welled up in his eyes. How would he make another one now? Pancake would be so disappointed; he'd loved the first one so much! Killua was about to cry when he remembered where his mother had gotten the dress. There were other dresses there, weren't there?

He walked over to the closet and opened it. There were millions of dresses there! He could make a million new projects for Pancake! Pancake would be so happy.

Killua started to rummage through them all, trying to figure out which one to use. He stumbled across a really big white one that had frilly bows everywhere and shiny stuff on it. Killua's face broke into a grin. Yes, this would be the dress. This project would be even better than the first!

He quickly pulled it off its stand and ran out and started to tear it apart to make a new project with this new dress.

--------------

Hours later, Illumi awoke to find Killua sitting at the edge of his bed.

"Hey, Kil," he said. "How are you enjoying your crafts?"

"They're great Pancake!" Killua said. "I made you a new one!" Killua held up his newest creation.

"That's ni-" Illumi froze. He recognized the pattern on the fabric that Killua had used. He must have seen in a million of times in his mother's closet; and he remembered being told a million times to _never touch it. _

"Killua," he said, his head reeling. "You used mom's wedding dress!"

Killua cocked his head. "What?"

"You, you, oh my god."

Killua frowned. "What's wrong?"

Illumi closed his eyes to try and regain his composure. It didn't work. His mother was going to _kill_ him. That wedding dress was her pride and joy, she loved it, and she'd murder anyone who touched it. Except Killua couldn't be killed, so she'd go for the next best thing… Oh god.

Illumi leapt up and grabbed Killua. He then bolted out the door.

"Pancake," Killua called. "Where are we going?"

"The bridal shop! Maybe we can buy a new dress before mom gets back. If we can't, then we'll head to the train station. I'm sure we can hide out in Mexico until she calms down."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/plot devices/settings, all are © Yoshihiro Togashi. The writing is © me.


	11. Not Ready

A/N: Yes, I'm still writing this fic. School and such has just been eating my life and soul.

--------------

"She's ready."

"No! She is not ready and she will never be ready! What do I have to do to convince you of this?"

"Kikyou----"

"We never should have taken her away from my mother. We should have never brought her here."

"Kikyou!"

"I say that was send her back and be done with it!"

"KIKYOU!" Silva's wife was silenced by the power in his voice. They both stared at each other for a few minutes, Silva sitting on his couch, Kikyou standing in mid-pace.

"Kikyou," Silva began, "she is ready. She is my daughter, and I know that she will succeed."

"Silva this is madness."

"All our other children have gone out on their first job, all have returned safely. Alluka will be no different."

"Silva please!"

"This discussion is over." There was a pause in which Kikyou simmered.

Silva sighed. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm having Illumi accompany her. He's more than capable of making sure no harm comes to her."

Kikyou opened her mouth to argue, but Silva held up his hand. Her mouth shut. Even she knew when she had been beaten.

She turned on her heal and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Silva shook his head and absent-mindedly stroked one of his hounds on the head.

--------------

Illumi morosely picked up a pin, weighed it in his hand, and put it back down. He did this again with another, this time putting it in a pouch that he carried with him on jobs. He paused in his work and looked out the window at the gray sky. It was going to rain soon. As if this day couldn't get any worse.

There was a knock on his door. He didn't bother telling them to come in. If they were worth his time they'd walk in anyway.

The door opened and his mother walked in. Illumi tore his eyes away from the clouds to face her. She looked tired and upset. But she still held herself like the queen she believed she was.

"Mother," he greeted.

"Illumi, we need to talk."

He nodded and motioned to the chair next to his desk. Kikyou walked over and settled herself down. Illumi waited until she had finished adjusting her dress and hat for comfort.

"You are taking Alluka on her first job today, yes?"

"Yes, Mother."

"Don't go."

Illumi was slightly startled. "What?"

She ignored his confusion. "Or if you must go don't take Alluka."

"Mother, if Father finds out--"

"He won't. And if he does I'll make sure you stay out of trouble."

"I can't blatantly ignore Father's orders. That wouldn't be right. Not to mention it would go against everything that I've ever been taught."

Kikyou sighed exasperatedly. "Fine!" she hissed. "Take her but keep her out of the way. Leave her somewhere that she'll be away from the action and then picker up later. Bound her and throw her in a basement if you like, _just don't let her do the job_."

Illumi was slightly alarmed. He'd seen his mother upset and angry about things involving her children before, but this type of anger bordered on fear. And he'd never seen his mother afraid before.

"Mother?"

"She's not ready for this, Illumi! You of all people should know that!"

"Father thinks--"

"Your father is too proud to admit that a child of his may not be a good assassin. But _I'm_ content with the knowledge that she is a fine young lady." Kikyou grasped Illumi's hands. "Please, Illumi, do not take her today. Spare her life!"

"Mother," he said as he pulled away, "Father believes she is ready, and I will be there to make sure she stays safe. I will not ignore his orders just for your paranoia."

Kikyou's eyes flashed and she stood abruptly. "Paranoia?" she snarled. "Fine. Go! Take your sister to her grave. You always were a good executioner." She stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

"She'll be fine," Illumi muttered to himself. He went back to sorting pins.

--------------

Bullets rained from the sky. There were shouts of anger and fear, screams of agony and pain. There was chaos.

Through it all Illumi rushed towards the exit, Alluka panting by his side. They dodged and killed and maimed, anything to get them out of there. A small distant part of Illumi's consciousness noticed that Alluka was crying. His mother had been right: she wasn't ready. Of course, that had been obvious when she'd set off the alarms. She hadn't even been able to kill the target; Illumi had had to do it for her. Now they were running for their lives.

They came up to the wall that marked the end of the territory of the millionaire they had killed. Relief filled Illumi. They were almost home free. Just a few more yards and then a jump.

"Alluka, it'll be faster if you just get on my back and I jump over it." He turned to see his little sister's response, and she wasn't there.

Illumi froze. His head whipped around to see Alluka's corpse lying a few feet away from him. Time stopped, sound died, feelings slowed to a halt. All he could register was that Alluka was lying dead on the ground.

Illumi stopped working and the assassin took over. An assassin never leaves another assassin's body behind; it's far too dangerous. He ran back and swung the body over his shoulder. Something small and metal moving at high speeds rammed into his shoulder. He transferred the body to the other shoulder and started running. The assassin jumped over the wall and into safety.

Once the assassin was safe, Illumi was able to come back. And there was only one thought in Illumi's mind.

Alluka. Was. Dead.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/plot devices/settings, all are © Yoshihiro Togashi. The writing is © me.


	12. Aftermath

A/N: I realize that this is a bit shorter than usual. But I though it'd be better to post somehting rather than wait any longer. So yeah, here we are. Sorry about the wait. Life and stuff has kind of interrupted my writing flow.

--------------

Illumi stumbled through the door. He looked up to see his mother standing at the bottom of the stairs, waiting like a spider waits in its web. Her lips were pursed. She looked angry.

"Well, it's about time. Do you realize that you're a whole _day_ late? What do you two have to say for yourselves."

Illumi numbly dropped Alluka's body on the floor.

There is no way to describe Kikyou's reaction. The English language simply does not have the syllables needed to relate the horror and utter despair of her response to seeing her only daughter's body sprawled out on the floor.

So this shall have to suffice: Kikyou screamed. Her scream resonated throughout the mountain, and made every rational creature want to tear off their ears.

The moment Silva came into the room, she rounded on him, fury resonating about her like an aura.

"I told you!" she howled. "I told you that this was a foolish venture! But you had to go on, didn't you? And now look what has happened? My baby girl is dead! My girl, MY GIRL!" She lapsed into incoherent shrieks.

Silva stared at Illumi, who gave him a helpless sort of look, then slumped to the floor, completely defeated.

"Is the job done," Silva asked quietly.

Illumi looked up listlessly. "Yes," he whispered, "the job is done."

Silva nodded. "Well, at least your trip wasn't a complete failure," he stated coldly. Illumi could only look back at the floor.

With a clap of his hands Silva summoned several servants. None of them batted an eye when they saw their mistress sobbing over the dead body of one of her children. They had been trained far too well to allow anything like grief frazzle them.

"Take Alluka's body to be prepared for burial," Silva ordered. "Also, find the rest of the family and tell them what has happened."

The servants bowed. They all left except one, who bent down to retrieve Alluka's body.

"NO! Do not touch her!" screamed Kikyou. "Only _I_ can touch her. I will be the one to move her, _not you!_" She turned back to her daughter. "Oh my little girl!" she wailed.

Illumi could no longer hear his mother's cries. All that he could hear was that one fatal word that his father had used.

_Failure._

How could he fail? How….

What did it matter? The only thing that mattered, was that he was a failure.

--------------------------

A small child with wild white hair crawled through the door of his brother's room. He found his idol sitting on the bed, slumped down with his head on his knees. Curious, the child wandered over and climbed up on his brother's lap.

"Pancake?"

Illumi looked down at Killua, who was giving him one of his biggest and cutest smiles.

"Hey, Kil."

"Let's play."

"Not now."

Killua looked utterly dejected. "Why not?"

"I just don't want to right now."

"Please?"

Illumi shook his head. "No, Kil. I don't want to play."

Killua sighed. "Okay, then."

Instead of leaving like Illumi expected him to, Killua wrapped his arms around Illumi's middle and clung to him.

"What are you doing?"

"I saw some one do this once on TV. And the person that they did it to smiled real big." He pulled back and looked Illumi straight in the eye. "I want Pancake to smile again."

Illumi couldn't help it. He smiled and hugged Killua back.

"Thanks Kil."

Killua grinned. "All better, Pancake?"

Illumi thought about this. His mother was furious, as was his father. In his family's eyes he was a failure. He knew that bad things were going to be happening to him for a long time after this. It was his fault that his sister was dead.

But did Killua need to know all that?

"Yes, Killlua. I'm all better."

"Good."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/plot devices/settings, all are © Yoshihiro Togashi. The writing is © me.


	13. Promise

A/N: It's been forever, hasn't it? I feel kind of bad. However, the good news is that we're back and I got this one done before the end of the month. Oh, and I'm so sorry that my lack of updating made people think that this was over. It's not over, not yet. We have another chapter to go before the end, I guarantee it.

--------------

Three days. That's all that they gave him. Illumi was allowed three days to gather himself up and lock away the memories of his bloody failure in the depths of his mind. It was more than he had expected. And Illumi was good at forgetting. He had to be, considering the nature of his job, and the brutality of his bloodline. He managed to convince himself that it had never happened, and that Alluka was alive and far away where he would never need to see her again. She still would come to him, in the darkest hours of the night, but he managed to forget those too. He had made sure that it was all over.

Too bad it wasn't.

After three days he was summoned once more to appear before his parents. He walked through the familiar doors to find the familiar sight of his father sitting in the light and his mother lurking in the shadows. They were both very quiet, and staring at him intently.

"Illumi," his father greeted.

"You wanted to see me?" Illumi replied.

"Yes. I simply wanted to tell you that your training of Killua will now end."

Illumi kept his facial features smooth but internally winced. He knew this would probably happen but it pained him to think that he was no longer considered competent enough to train his younger sibling. But he was not going to let it bother him unduly. It would be far worse for Killua and himself if he tried to fight back.

"Grandfather will be taking him then?"

"No. We will be sending him to Heavens Arena. He will continue training on his own there."

An internal nerve snapped.

"You can't do that!" Illumi snapped. "It's too early in his training. He's not ready!"

"I do not believe that your analysis of readiness counts anymore," his father said icily.

"You'll kill him!" Illumi shouted. "You'll kill him just like you killed Alluka!"

The room went silent. Illumi's last words echoed about the room and in Illumi's head.

_What a stupid thing to say_, his subconscious said dispassionately. _Now you're in for it._

"Killua will be leaving tomorrow in the morning," his father stated quietly. "You may accompany him as far as the gates. Then you are ordered to leave and report directly back here to me." His eyes glinted dangerously as he stared at Illumi. "Do you understand?" he whispered.

"Yes, father," Illumi said, his head bowed to the ground. "I understand."

"You are dismissed."

Illumi turned and walked through the doors, his eyes still riveted on the ground. He did not look up until he reached his room and collapsed on the bed. He turned over and stared at the ceiling.

"I'm so sorry, Kil," he whispered. "I've failed you."

--------------------------

Illumi's door opened. He did not move from his position of his face buried in his pillows. Feet tapped across the floor and a body sat on his bed. A hand was laid down on his shoulder.

"You shouldn't have said those things," his mother whispered. "You've upset your father."

Illumi didn't answer. There was nothing for him to say.

"I've told you time and time again just to take what he says and keep your temper. Haven't I told you that?"

Illumi remained silent.

"And didn't I tell you not to take Alluka that day? Didn't I!" Her hand tightened its grip from that of a loving mother to a raging torturer. "And now look what has happened," she hissed. "My girl is dead, your brother is being sent away, and your talents and abilities are being questioned! See what happens when you don't obey your mother? See?"

Illumi finally faced her. He noticed that her face was bare, she wasn't wearing her mask. Her void-like eyes sparkled with rage and purpose.

He nodded slowly. For some reason he felt afraid. But at the same time, he was compelled to listen to her. She was right after all. Completely right.

Her grip loosened and her voice and expression softened. "So from now on, do what your mother tells you, all right? You can pretend to follow your father's orders, but do as _I_ say. And we can have our own little secrets."

"Yes mother," Illumi said monotonously.

She smiled at him. "Good," she said. She kissed his forehead before she left the room. Her lips were like stone, smooth but cold and hard. Illumi felt no love in them.

But then again, here in the Zoldyeck mansion, love wasn't really anywhere.

--------------------------

Illumi slowly carried Killua down the slope to the gates. Killua clung to him posessively. Though he was young, Killua was intelligent enough to know when something was wrong. He obviously turned to his loving big brother for comfort.

"Pancake, what's going on? Where are we going?"

"We're going to the gates."

"Why?"

"Because you're leaving."

Killua's face brightened. "So we're going on an adventure together?"

Illumi shook his head. "No. You're going alone."

Killua's expression of joy evolved into one of horror. "What? No! I want you to be there with me."

Unfamiliar drops of salt and water pricked the corners of Illumi's eyes. He shook them away.

"Well, I can't be with you. So you're going to have to work hard by yourself and be brave."

Killua looked up at him with wide, teary eyes. "Is this like when you have to leave, but you always come back?"

"Something like that."

Killua managed a hopeful smile. "So you'll come back for me?"

Illumi nodded. "Yes. Yes, I'll come for you." He meant it, too. Perhaps when he finished a job early, or if he could find a way to sneak out he would go and see Killua. He was still a child for god's sake; he needed some one to be there for him.

Killua's grin widened. "Okay. I'll work real, real hard so that you can be proud of me when you come."

Illumi smiled. "Good." He looked up. They were there. The servant was waiting to take Killua away.

Illumi gave Killua one last embrace. "I'll see you soon, then."

"Promise?" Killua held out his pinkie. Illumi entwined it with his own.

"I promise."

--------------------------

"You are forbidden to leave the grounds."

_Those words. Those horrible seven words. _

"It is obvious that you need more training. Your mother and I will have a hand in this. Until then, you are forbidden to leave."

_How could they do this?_

"Listen to your father. He is right. In time you will understand that we only do this for the best."

_They knew he wanted to see Killua again._

"You'll see, dear. Soon all of this will be as insubstantial as a dream."

_They were trying to make him forget._

_….._

_The question was, did he want to?_

--------------------------

The woman who worked at the front desk at Heavens Arena had seen many odd people over the years, so she often didn't question the practices of those who came to compete. But there was one boy whose behavior baffled her. He was a tiny little thing, with wild white hair that was almost as big as he was. From what she had heard he was doing rather well for one so young. But what confused her was the fact that when he wasn't fighting, he would sit in front of the doors and wait. Just wait. As the days wore on, tears would silently slide down his face. She often wondered why.

_A brief glimpse into Killua's mind:_

**He's.**

**Not. **

**Coming**

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/plot devices/settings, all are © Yoshihiro Togashi. The writing is © me.


	14. Years Later

Killua, now a proud eleven-year-old, strolled through the doors of the Zoldyeck mansion, a skateboard that he had won in a bet at Heaven's Arena tucked under his arm. He cast his eyes around the familiar surroundings of his childhood.

It all seemed so cold now. And smaller, definitely smaller. And there was the absence of warm arms carrying him about in a little bubble of joy and safety…

"Is everything all right, Master Killua?"

Killua shook his head. He'd buried those memories and their implications a very long time ago.

"Yes, I'm fine." He turned and gave a grin to the servant who had accompanied him from Heaven's Arena home. "You said that my parents wanted to see me?"

"Yes Master Killua. I believe they want to speak to you about your new training regiment, now that you have proven yourself in Heaven's Arena."

"All right. I'll drop in right now."

"Very good, Master Killua."

Killua rolled his eyes at the servant's formality. Years away from his princely life had hardened him against the status symbols such as being called "Master." Acting like a king in the real world didn't get you far.

He dropped his skateboard on the ground and skated away, towards the wing where he remembered his father to reside.

--------------------------

Illumi was now twenty-one years old. Years of being his mother's secret agent had been taking their toll on him. His eyes were now more than a bit dull, and bored. His expression gave nothing away, not even a hint that he was even alive.

His mother told him what to do and he obeyed. His father sometimes gave him orders as well, but as the years went on these orders became more and more rare. Illumi suspected that his father knew the deal that he had with his mother. He realized that his father probably resented this, and that he had probably lost some of his father's respect, and perhaps even a bit of his love.

But that didn't matter much. At the end of the day, Illumi was alive and that was all that really mattered. And really, how much did that even matter?

He did, however, find some sort of pleasure in watching the grounds. Whenever he got the chance he would find a window and just stare out upon the vast expanse of the lands that the Zoldyecks owned. He in particular found himself staring at the entrance to the grounds. Perhaps there was some meaning to this, but Illumi never allowed himself to think much about it.

He was staring out a window when he heard the unfamiliar sound of wheels skidding across the marble floor. He turned and to his surprise he saw Killua skating down the hall towards him.

Killua stopped the skateboard and flipped it up into his arms. He stared at his elder brother, unconsciously comparing him to the memories that he kept carefully hidden. His brother was colder now. And he looked tired.

Illumi stared at his younger brother; memories that he had tried to destroy flooding his mind. Killua was growing up. He was going to become a great assassin some day. Perhaps the greatest of them all.

_I'm so proud of you, Killua._

_**You didn't come.**_

_I'm so sorry._

_**I'm done with you.**_

Killua broke off his gaze and skated away. He didn't look back.

Illumi turned and watched his brother fade away. Something resembling a tear tried to form in his eyes, but he of course didn't let it.

"I missed you," he whispered. Killua didn't hear.

Illumi didn't want him to.


	15. Epilogue

"Killua?" Gon asked as they lay side by side, staring up at the stars.

"Yeah, Gon?"

"What's your favorite food?"

Killua paused for a moment. Foods had never been something that he had put much thought into on a daily basis, and really the way he'd been raised food had been more something that you ate to survive, instead of eating for pleasure

But then soft memories bubbled up into his mind, fluttering like the wings of a butterfly, flitting in and out of his consciousness. Killua had to close his eyes to catch them in his hands and hold them close like the precious things they were.

"Pancakes," he said. "My favorite food is pancakes."

------------------------

A/N: Well, here it is. The last chapter. It's been a wild ride up till now and I'd like to thank everyone for being super readers and such. Really, it's so neat having so many people read my stuff, and then even get 100 reviews. Now then, the next order of business after this is my NEXT project. This can be one of two things: either a fanfic about Kikyou and Silva meeting and trying to stand eachother during the preparation of their arranged marriage, or a fanfic about the Hunter Test, where Gon, Killua, Leorior, Kurapika, Hisoka, and Illumi are the testers. Both will be written eventually, but if you have a preference as to which one comes first just let me know. The power of the vote! lol

Anway, I'll see you all later!


End file.
